Thank gods, everyone is bedded down. Every day it gets harder to face them. Thinking that every moment I spend here more of my people die. Did I make the right choice?
Since when have you started believing what demons say?
And Horus, sticking his pointy elf nose where it doesn't belong. Does he hear the screaming? No, because it is in my head. I keep hearing the screaming.
He was right though, wasn't he? You could ask Elana for help, find out if they really are screaming.
I am afraid, Jorag. I know what the right thing to do is but I am afraid to do it.
"Little Peregrine afraid? Never say so!"
The chuckle falls soft upon my ears. Half remembered but still loved. Through me flows a peace and warmth of home-fire. The screaming that I have been living with stills from the waking nightmare to a vague memory. Jorag is here.
Wait no. Jorag is dead. That's right.
"No, I'm here, for a while."
And he is, sitting next to me, under the tree on the edge of our camp. Not our camp, back in Argunsund. Our camp; the one sheltering a group of foolhardy dreamers attempting to save the world.
"But you are still dead? No cleric raised you, they couldn't. Your funeral pyre..."
"I'm dead."
"Oh."
"Peregrine. I always liked calling you that. It suits."
"Yes, I routinely grabbed pigeons out of midair."
"You were fast, agile. And unafraid. Even when your training began, you were never really afraid of the forest."
"It was your home, our home."
"And now your home is....?"
"I don't know. With these people in some ways. I think I could also go back to the jungles of Curmeah as well. Listen to the lessons of Exuna. Lochlainn isn't bad. They say the leaves turn colors here before winter sets in. I should like to see that.
"And Argusund?"
"Lonely. Without you.
"Bjorn is leader now. It will be some time before he listens to rangers. And I--"
"--don't fit. You're--"
"--different now, in many ways. I wield magic and carry weapons from beings almost gods."
"You were wrong. Magic is not bad. It was the Garanlyon trying to hold down the humans."
"Oh Jorag, it is so much bigger than anyone knows."
We are sitting in silence then; just content to be together for these few moments. For one last time. One more chance to not be alone.
"I told you I would teach you the skills that you needed to be a ranger. I did that."
"Yes, the final challenge at the tourney..."
"You were disconcerted...."
"--nervous."
"You are not a ranger anymore, Anwar."
"Maybe you should have stayed dead. How can you--"
"--say such a thing? Easily. Bring out your bow. Tell me what you see."
"A good bow. Powerful. It harnesses the power of elements."
"Yes, you can destroy an entire herd."
"I would nev--"
"You are a warrior now, Anwar. You cannot go back to watching the herds. It would cripple you. You are like that bow, made for vengeance and battle."
"But I tire of fighting, of battle."
"...of death. Death is inevitable. Do not waste your life. And do not throw everyone else's away out of grief."
"But Argusund, your brother--"
"Give us some credit, Peregrine."
"But Jorag, you, I mean--"
"I'm dead, Peregrine. Don't try to save a home for me that I can't live in. Do what must be done for the right reasons."
"That means that I can't save...."
"It might. But you know what the alternative is."
"I know."
"I know."
"You'll get out of this. You'll fly again."
"I don't want to fly alone anymore."
"You are not alone. For the many months now, for the first true time since my death, you really aren't alone. Take strength from your friends, learn from them. Be with them."
"I miss you. They can't replace you."
"They are not supposed to.
"You are changed. You are Anwar of Geas now, a warrior. Not the wife of Jorag, nor the ranger from Huld. You must grow your new feathers."
I touch one of the quetzl feathers on my bow. "I think these will be my new feathers."
"They will suit you well.
"I hear elves like colorful things."
"Jorag. How can you say that? I, that is, there is, I mean , isn't--"
"Twenty years I knew you, girl and woman. It is good to see some part of you still alive."
"But you, um, I don't know."
"It will be all right. It will. You will mend."
"I know. I was afraid to, afraid to let you go. I came back to start a life again. This isn't what I intended. I do not wish to lose what was to gain what may be."
"I cannot speak to that. I am what was. I was lost. You survived, you will continue."
"I know. I understand."
"Good."
Good-bye, Jorag. |
