I hurt. This is the first moment I have had to sit down and feel the pain since we arrived at these ruins. I have been focused on battling these demons, preventing them from spreading their destruction to the people to the south. Now Islan and Nyran tell me that it is unlikely that there is much threat now that the largest of the demons is slain. I know nothing of such otherworldly matters and will rely on their judgment. After Nyran rests he will use his magic to destroy the last of the altar and we will again proceed south. But for right now, I will lie here and hurt. Healing spells my stop one from dying but it would be nice if they did something about the bruises and the aches. But I suppose being half eaten by a monstrous demon is a lot of damage for even Elana great skill to remove.
Of course, if I hurt now, I imagine that demon is feeling much, much worse.
This is disturbing me. I killed that demon, sent him back to whatever hell he came from. Yet I feel only pride. Am I so changed that I know live for the thrill of battle? Jorag taught, all those years ago that a ranger's fighting skills were for the aid of his people and nature, we are not warriors. But I am a warrior now, I have been to war, lead troops, laid siege to cities (admittedly not the smartest of our movies), and battled more atrocities against nature than Jorag could even have imagined existed. I carry a shard of a tear of a goddess. I use a bow given to me an almost godlike being. I even thought to turn to those beings for aid in this fight. I fight beside wizards and rely on magic to survive. I even wield my own magic now. I am all the things that Jorag would never have become.
He would never have left his people or his forest on a quest of vengeance. He would have stayed in Argusund and minded the herds and our people. He would have helped rebuild. What is it that burns so strong in my veins that made me leave all that Jorag was behind? I am sorry, Jorag. Forgive me for whatever it is that I am become.
For I know this now, I am not that same woman who lived in peace in the forest with my husband. I am both more and less. More because of what it is that I now do, embrace and practice. Less because all the of good and the commitment and the honor that was in me seems to have been burned away with Jorag's body. I commit great acts of bravely and skill but I don't understand why.
My companions quest to save the world yet I do not share their goal. I fear for what will lie at the end of this. These crystals are to be reunited and will grant the wielder great power. Is this such a wise idea? Would it not be better for them to remain separate so that this power cannot fall into hands that will use it for destruction? The others have said that they trust in their quest because they were set on this path by a god. Yet this god says he did not send them the dreams to do this. I feel as if we are tools being used by those of great power to do something other than what we think. If I thought gods were fickle back in Argusund, this quest has taught me they are in fact dangerous tricksters playing games with us.
Yet for all this I would join my companions wholly in their mission to save the world. I have no desire to see destruction to reign supreme. We of the north already deal with destruction too much; ice storms, avalanches, sea storms, giants. But is what we are doing the true way to stop it?
For now it seems as though, I will take on the role of leadership. Having been with these people for so only a fraction of their quest, I feel as if I am being presumptuous by assuming this role is mind. Yet if I do not, the magic yielders would argue each other in to some sort of fight and Arilyn would spend her time dinking and fighting and probably helping people unwittingly share their wealth with her. Yet these are the people I trust. I may not believe that we are really out to save the world, but I have faith that my companions will not do anything to help it's destruction. So for now, I will follow their quest and learn what I may learn. Perhaps I will find the truth of this mission out there, until then I will stick with my friends. |
