It is hard to focus my mind. I still cannot truly believe that I am here. So many years, gone in the blink of an eye. When nothing around you is real, when all you know is illusion, time itself becomes but an illusion.
Death is all I know. It who I am now. What I am.
The screams of people who never stood a chance. My rage hovers over them. My beliefs are nothing anymore. There is nothing left in which to believe.
If it looks real and feels real, can it still be an illusion?
Perhaps my time up till now was an illusion. Perhaps it is this reality from which I ran. A world created within my mind.
A family I never had. Perhaps my brother was just trying to save me from myself.
Could it be that I am really not alive? That there is no such thing. To be alive is to know death. His name is Ishricar.
I want to believe that I made a difference in my other life. That I was not a murderer. That is what I am now. At least that’s what I would have once thought.
Though if I kill the illusion and thus it knows death, does that mean it was alive? You cannot murder an illusion.
I’d take my own life and end this pain, but I cannot. If I did that I would only confirm that I was alive. That I was real. None of this is real. I never was real and never will be.
It would be nice to have seen her rise though.
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