In all of my days I don’t think I’ve ever burned myself out nor have I over-channeled so many times in such a short span of time. My hair stands on end almost constantly as static energy remains for hours. I’m quite surprised that I haven’t killed myself yet from such excursion.
Part of me is doing this because I fear being sent away, so I’m over compensating for these peoples lack of trust in me. Trying to be as useful as possible. Prove to them that I’m worthy. Perhaps then they will accept me without question. Of course, I know that they’re not that stupid. No matter how much turmoil lies between them and how many times they fight over the smallest of things, I know these people have seen more than their share of horrors.
Arilyn seems to be the most distrustful of me. In fact she won’t even use my real name, she continues to refer to me as “the new guy.” I don’t blame her. Why should she trust me? I guess I keep hoping that if I save their lives a few times, they’ll have to trust me. Of course, if I really want them to trust me I have to do more than that. I may have to tell them the truth.
Not yet though. As of yet they haven’t asked and until they do, I will remain silent. Perhaps I will slowly bring the truth to them. That way they will not be quite as surprised by it.
All I know is that I really do need to be careful with my powers. I’ve seen too many friends fall before, not from an enemy, but from trying to handle more power than they are capable of. That is not the death that I would wish for myself. |
